There they go. The last of the Generation Z’s who slink out the back door as they send forth a final limited-time-span emotional tweet, a poignant attempt to multi-task one last time, a fruitless grasp toward the chimera of their once social clique that disbanded into Fortenite playing, self pitying individuals. And finally while “My battery is low and it’s getting dark” is forwarded across meme-waves for the last time, a single tear drips onto the Gen Z’s digital screen.
But what’s that noisy ruckus? What’s that bloomping and squeaking at the front door? Hey! It’s the Ballooners, Generation Balloon is here! They’ll brighten things up. String the banner, inculcate in unison, Hurray for Generation Ballooners!
Ballooners promote their big bold bright personalities with colorful hair and wild clothing. No goth or mundane nose piercing for Ballooners. They want hair purses and mega-headphones.
Ballooners have large identity-driven egos. Ballooners are bright across the entire spectrum. Wallflowers? Emo? Hah, grandpa material.
Ballooners bulge their way into dominant positions, both through loud voices and actions and through power assertive passivity. Both types can be prompted by the merest glance to undertake lengthy expressions about themselves and their opinions. Why? They are Ballooners, they need to take up space and they need to be visible.
Ballooners claim they are the life of the party because they’re here to guarantee it. They float around center stage, center room, center social media site, center center, center you, center me, center themselves, well, center everything.
Ballooners stick together. One is simply an unadorned longing but as a group they consider themselves powerful and just as in the old movie Le ballon rouge (1956) as one balloon is stomped down other balloons rush en masse to help.
The tiniest bit of friction can cause Ballooners to become charged. This means they are ready for ideas, yet although sticky, Ballooners are without critical analysis they’ll pick up whatever’s in their proximity. In the wrong environment their triboelectric effect can transfer static causing one hell of a bang.
Ballooners are floaty, fragile, and they squeak a lot in annoying ways. Generally they are full of gas.
They are thin-skinned, as balloons are, and they are normally stretched taut with potential energy. Resultantly they attempt to avoid prickly situations because they will pop. Shhh, don’t mention It and the red balloons, it might be a trigger.
Ballooners want the entire voice, they want things their way and why shouldn’t they be, everybody loves a balloon, the bigger the better right? You may mention the Macy’s parade, but if you talk about that teenage sea turtle that ate a deflated balloon and starved to death because of its blocked intestine, Ballooners may have to petition YouTube to censor you.
Open your hearts and minds to these big bulbous centerpieces, attention getters of the most demonstrative form. Sing the Grinchian fa who foraze for the Ballooners and then watch the places they’ll go. They’re here, they’re sphere, get used to it.